Adoption Update

I just thought I'd fill people in a little. I mean, I can't announce that I'm adopting and then be mum (Weston doesn't think I've ever said this before in my life... he's probably right but it's the first word that came to mind... so... mum) about everything else I guess. So if you're curious enough to check out my blog I guess you can have a little bit of curiosity filled : )

First off why adoption? Does that mean I can't ever have kids?

Well, we've been seeing doctors way too much for more than the last two years and more than anything else it's been really really frustrating. We've done all the normal annoying and stressful stuff that you do when you're trying to get pregnant and follow doctor's orders. I've had a theory about what's wrong with me the whole time because I've researched it and I know my own body but doctors don't like to listen to you. When we moved out here we discovered that the school insurance, according to the people at the the insurance company, won't cover infertility counseling, diagnostics, or treatment at all. 0%. Plus seeing a doctor for PCOS isn't covered because "you wouldn't be seeing the doctor about it unless you're trying to get pregnant." Nevermind that cysts are painful sometimes and if by some chance I had ovarian cancer (I don't) it'd take the same tests to check. Seeing a regular gynecologist just to talk to them is over $150. Needless to say we can't afford that and there's absolutely nothing we can do to get pregnant by ourselves until Heavenly Father decides to grant us a miracle and bless us with a baby, which we can't control the timing of. So, the stress of hopelessly trying was not good for our relationship and we decided to adopt. Ironically, about 2 weeks after we submitted our initial adoption papers I had an appointment with a fertility specialist Dr. Karnitis. He is amazing! He looked at all my records and knew exactly what I was going through! He was able to tell me what was happening and why I had the symptoms that I had. He validated my opinions and helped me understand that what my body was feeling was real not just imagined. Including why it looked and felt like I'd had miscarriages when I was never pregnant! I guess years ago he thought the same thing about some patients but every time he took it in to the lab the tissue wasn't a fetus it was just endometrial lining sloughing off in abnormal ways. It was so nice to talk to someone about everything. Even if we have to pay for the whole visit (he tries to get the insurance to cover it but we probably will) it was worth it. My eggs don't mature. So that is what I need to work on. So for most people unfamiliar with treatments that means that IVF or any egg extraction treatment wouldn't work until I could first get the eggs to mature. Injecting sperm obviously wouldn't work either. So, there's things I can do to work on that but other than some lifestyle habits it's pretty expensive for a lot of ifs. We've decided for the moment we'll focus on adoption. It doesn't have weeks of confusion every month and a half. Doesn't mean I'll never have kids, it just means it's pretty unlikely without lots of help.

Anyway, we feel really peaceful about our decision and know that Heavenly Father approves of it. We know that we are doing everything we can to have a family and so Heavenly Father will send us children in His time. I think this experience has really shown me what faith feels like. I don't know if I've ever really just been able to turn something over to the Lord and trust that whatever happens is His will and it'll be alright. It's kind of been an eye opening experience for me. So we're not really trying to rush anything. We're trying to pace ourselves and get approved and obviously we're trying to do it quickly but at the same time I'm trying really hard not to do too much at once and get stressed about it. So.... I guess.... at the moment I'm not really concerned about how much time it'll take. I know that it'll happen if it's supposed to and therefore I'm not stressed. Obviously I'm a little scared... but I would be if I learned I was pregnant too I think.

So... there you go. That's my story. Sorry no pictures. (I doubt the pictures that I have relating to this story you'd like to see unless you're actually interested in the medicine behind it and like seeing pictures). There's probably some out there worried about offending me by what they say or at least wondering what hurts me. Because I'm feeling so at peace with this I'm not easily offended at the moment. I usually try to keep things to myself so if I don't open up about it in public that's probably why. I guess I'm afraid things that are important to me will be discounted or something.. I don't know. So don't worry about what you say or ask me about.

Have a good Sunday!